I'll Never Tell

LEGOLAS:
Look it's a dwarf, he's uncouth and he's coarse
A terrible boor
He makes this run 'cross the wide plains of Ro-han
Hard to endure
The hobbits must be saved
But you'd think he'd find time to shave
I'll take it to my grave . . .
I'll never tell

GIMLI:
Great, it's an elf who's obsessed with himself
What did you expect
I can detect all his sly disrespect
Because he's stiff-necked
So he can run on snow
His only weapon's that dumb bow
There's just one thing that - no
I'll never tell

GIMLI / LEGOLAS:
'Cause there's nothing to tell

LEGOLAS:
He's short
GIMLI:
He's pretty
LEGOLAS:
He thinks his jokes are witty
GIMLI:
He hums some elven ditty
As we run along

LEGOLAS:
He's gross, and hairy
GIMLI:
He acts like he's a fairy
LEGOLAS:
He's stubborn and contrary
Stupid and headstrong

GIMLI / LEGOLAS:
This chase
Is really wearing
GIMLI:
No one taught him about sharing
LEGOLAS:
He thinks wearing brown is daring
GIMLI:
He can be so overbearing
GIMLI / LEGOLAS:
But it's all very well
'Cause I swear I'll never tell

LEGOLAS:
We've lost the hobbits
We're at the end of our wits
We're here at Fangorn Forest
With no hope in sight

GIMLI:
If we go in there
I'll tell you we should beware
The trees are -
LEGOLAS:
Look how the dwarf's scared!
GIMLI:
I'm not frightened, all right?

(Begin Musical Interlude)

(OLD MAN leaps out of Fangorn.)

OLD MAN:
Look at me! I'm Gandalf Greybeard!

(End Musical Interlude)

GIMLI / LEGOLAS:
You know
GIMLI:
He's quite the charmer
LEGOLAS:
My dwarf in armor
GIMLI:
When he sees the caves of Aglarond
I know he can't help but respond
With firm yet supple - stiff-necked elves

LEGOLAS:
He's brave
GIMLI:
He's braver
LEGOLAS:
I've never seen him waver
GIMLI:
He wants to be the savior
Of all Middle Earth

LEGOLAS:
He plays the stoic
Beneath he's quite heroic
Although he'd never show it
I ignored his worth

GIMLI / LEGOLAS:
I lied
I said it's easy
I tried
But there's feelings I can't quell

GIMLI:
Could he learn to live beneath the ground?
LEGOLAS:
Would my people run me out of town?
GIMLI:
Will he think that I'm disgusting
When my armor gets to rusting?
LEGOLAS:
When I go to the Grey Havens
Will he grieve like he's been shaven?

GIMLI:
Am I crazy?
LEGOLAS:
Am I selfish?
GIMLI:
Am I dating someone elvish?
GIMLI / LEGOLAS:
You might think that I'm a cold fish
But this just won't end well
So that's why I'll never tell
I swear that I'll never tell

GIMLI:
My lips are sealed

LEGOLAS:
Silence is gold

GIMLI:
Nothing to see
Move it along

GIMLI / LEGOLAS:
We'll never tell